That's Wolff with 2 F's

When doing the right thing is just too much work...

2012-01-30T20:39:00.000-08:00

Ever get tired of trying to do it right?

Holding your tongue.
Guarding against defensiveness.
Controling your thoughts.
Loving unconditionally.
Staying positive.
Being patient.
Praying faithfully.

You're worn out
Holding it in
Feel let down
And want to give up

Sometimes doing the right thing is exhausting.
And the last few weeks I stopped trying.

I'm just weary.
Things aren't awful.
I'm just tired.
And have little energy to do things well.

Know the feeling?

Just a small jar of olive oil

2012-01-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since a sermon 'hit home', per say. But this week was different. Will you let me process 'outloud'? Bare with me as a share some context...

Our pastor Steve read from 2 Kings 4 about a woman who lost her husband and was worried his creditor would take away her sons. She asked Elisha for help. He asked her what do she had in her house. (seemed like an odd question to me) She only had a small jar of olive oil.

He gave her the most bizarre suggestion. "Go as your neighbors for empty jars. Not just a few of them. Go in your house with your sons and pour your oil into each jar."

They did as Elisha suggested and the oil flowed. He then told her to go sell the oil and pay of their debts to keep her sons safe.

This is what got me...

Steve shared about a friend of his who ministered with others in Mozambique. A man had been dead for a while when several men of faith laid on top of him and breathed on the body. The man was raised to life. This wasn't hundreds of years ago. This was within the last few years. And it really happened. My stoic pastor broke down in the middle of sharing. Moved too deep to continue talking. Because he truly absorbed the truth and enormity of what God did. He made someone dead breath again.

God did a miracle for the woman in 2 Kings too. But we read over it so quickly. Unable to absorb it. We can't imagine. We don't comprehend. We might even be skeptical. But it clearly states she was in dire need and God provided supernaturally.

We don't understand dire need. Well most of us don't. We live in a culture of self-sufficiency. We honor resiliency. We pride ourselves in being self-sustaining. God is 'just a crutch' for people who are weak and desperate.

The truth is, we all have just a small jar of oil.

That was Steve's message.
We're not helpless good-for-nothing weak souls. No.
But let's not pretend to have it all together.

The very simple truth is we need God.

Oh Oswald.

2012-01-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

...But when God brings me into the right relationship with Himself, I will be in the same condition Isaiah was. Isaiah was so attuned to God, because of the great crisis he had just endured, that the call of God penetrated his soul. The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves. And we cannot hear anything God says. But to be brought to the place where we can hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed. - Oswald Chambers.
I think what we crave most is something eternal. I think we're sick of hearing ourselves...

We need to be profoundly changed.
We need God.

How can something so simple be so hard.

My new favorite things...

2012-01-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

New Kureg machine, specifically Chai Latte kcups
Avery's voice inflections that are very endearing and sweet when saying "hi momma"
My new All Clan pots (so shiny)
My Hobo wallet... err... investment :)
VLookups in Excel (saved my butt this week)
West Elm catalogue. yum.
Instagram app. ya...I was slow to jump on this one.
New Year's Eve church services (baptisms).
Packing away Christmas stuff and getting to redecorate (December 26th. Don't judge)
Facetime on my iphone4. Get to video chat with Avery and Jake during lunch.
Silver jeans. I forgot about them and just bought a light wash pair I love.
Free lipstick (thank you MAC for your recycle-old-makeup-cases-and-get-free-lipstick program)
Sleeping through the night. Yes, this is new. Avery was sick for 3 weeks, and then 2 more weeks- with sleepless nights for all.
Garage doors that work. It's a favorite because right now we don't, and it sucks. So working garage doors are my new favorite thing.

Aunt Memlia and Uncle Spencer

2012-01-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

The best thing about Christmas was spending tons of time with Emily and Spencer, who flew in from Colorado for a week.

This is them with the kiddos!

Spencer was an instant Uncle, which he embraced from day one. He'll be a great dad.

And Emily is just the crazy fun snuggly aunt.

Miss them already!

Ken's Corner: Summary

2011-12-30T10:00:00.000-08:00

Well, this blog series is coming to an end. It's been so good for me to regurgitate what I've learned and put it into words. I hope it's encouraged you, or encouraged you how to encourage your friends if they feel challenged in a relationship.

I've learned so much the last 1.5 years about listening, talking (purposefully), empathy, emotionality, acceptance, being positive (5:1 ratio), position vs interest thinking, not giving up and how to make it right when I mess up.

Thanks for hearing my heart.
I really am so proud of our work!
Amy

Open to the public!

2011-12-27T19:11:00.000-08:00

Just a note my blog is now public!
I was talking to Jake about why I write and what I write. And he asked, "why only limit that to some people?"

So here it is.

Now I'll show up in your blog newsfeeds, you won't be required to 'sign in' to read, or you can send my blog to others.

Contractions on a donkey. Gross

2011-12-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

Although I love all the traditions we Wolffs have at Christmas, I realized this year how badly I want to make a Christmas Eve service part of our tradition. I don't think presents, decorations, parties, or the busyness are bad things. I think those things are fine. And fun.

But I crave space to consider what God did, and the way he chose to do it.

This year I was thinking about that day, or more accurately the day leading up to Jesus' birth. Mary was super pregnant. Probably not sleeping well. Probably having contractions in the worst place in the world: on the back of a boney donkey with no comfortable end in sight. The contractions are getting stronger and closer together and Joseph can't find anywhere for them to rest. They're both miserable and trying not to be cranky... or panic.

They have nowhere to go. Thus the barn. The hay. With the animals around.

What a sharp contrast to how we define power and authority.

God chose to bring the Redeemer, the most powerful act of love and authority of all time, via baby and barn.

Gosh.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

Ken's Corner: The Process

2011-12-23T16:36:00.000-08:00

Within the first few appointments with Ken, our counselor, we quickly learned that we were going to practice communicating a lot.
One of the first things he said was, "You will always have issues to work out in your marriage, especially since you're going to be married for a long time. What you need to learn is how to talk through the issues so that it's a win-win for both of you."

So that's what we did. We'd come with an issue, normally not hard to find, and then we'd sit there and go through the steps (writing out, communicating, listening, empathizing, repeating it back, responding etc). When we'd get stuck, or fall into negative patterns, or get angry, Ken would stop and give us some wisdom and perspective.

Week after week, month after month...

The moral of the story is this: The process matters. How you communicate matters. I'd say even more than the issue itself. Because if you focus on having productive conversations about the hard things, that are a win-win for everyone, you can get on to better things (like laughing and having fun).

I've noticed that we falter the most when we stray from the process and are careless with our words.

I truly think everyone can benefit from counseling. So does Jake. You don't have to be broken to benefit from it. It has really made me more steady, mature, humble, positive, and gave me hope in times I didn't have any.

For my local friends, Ken Kornelis is a Christian counselor- extremely practical- and genuinely cares about the success of our relationship, even to go as far as saying he'd see us pro-bono if money was ever an issue. He has an office in Lake Oswego and Newberg. I would recommend him to anyone wanting sound advise.

Next Friday, the last blog in the series.

Life "Goals"

2011-12-20T16:43:00.000-08:00

'Life goals' seem daunting. For a driver like me, I can't check them off fast enough, so I don't bother making a list.

But in our small group the last few months I've been inspired, using Mark Batteron's 100 Life Goals (and 10 steps to setting them) as our guide. Look it up. Some good stuff!

One of the things he suggests is sharing, and even copying, some other people's goals that inspire you.

Thus my first stab at sharing my list... These are my first 29.
Enjoy (or copy or roll your eyes!)

1. Travel with my kids internationally before they graduate high school
2. Speak to a group of 1000+ people about God's working in my life
3. Publish a book
4. Maintain a healthy lifestyle- being fit and under 140 pounds the rest of my life
5. Run a marathon with Jake (I realize that he will probably refuse)
6. To have saved $30,000 by the time I'm 30
7. To be completely debt free most of my life
8. Walk where Jesus walked
9. Pay for my childrens' honeymoons
10. Meet a famous person and speak deeply encouraging words to them (prophetic perhaps)
11. Implement an annual serve experience for my family to remember
12. Hot air balloon ride in Italy
13. Trip to Greece with Jake
14. Surprise my parents with a trip for their 50th anniversary (mom/dad- you didn't see this)
15. Teach financial soundness to young people
16. Go to the Days of Days event with my sister-in-law Katie before they cancel the show
17. Make a large scholarship donation for a teenager who wouldn't be able to afford it.
18. Backpack through Sisters wilderness with a bunch of girlfriends for 5 days
19. Give Jake a trip to Lambeau field with his guy friends to see the Packers play in a playoffs game
20. Win an international photo contest
21. Celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary
22. See Jake's back healed/fixed within the next few years
23. Be a grandma who's available to watch my grandchildren if needed
24. Visit my Compassion child, Diana, in Ecuador
25. Officiate a wedding of close friends
26. Revisit Rwanda after 2015 (go back to talk with the same ngo's) and see what's changed
27. Go on a Juniors Abroad trip with a group of George Fox students
28. Be in Times Square at New Year's Eve
29. Own a vacation cabin we can use and gift to people (after losing a loved one, honeymoon, anniversary, young parents etc)

Ken's Corner: Dont believe the lies.

2011-12-16T10:00:00.000-08:00

Well this is blog number nine in my Kens Corner series, but I'm breaking the rules. Today's relationship wisdom comes from someone else. Someone more important.My mom. (I think Ken would approve)

A few months ago I was frustrated and made strong sweeping comments about a situation and a person. I passionately came to the conclusion "they'll never change."

She didn't join me in my pity party.
Instead she called me out.

"That's a lie."

Ever since that conversation, 'lies' have been on my radar. Dramatic or unfair judgements. Beliefs we can't possibly know to be true but we claim them as truth.

For example:
"They'll never be who I want them to be"
"God can't possibly use this for any good"
"I've done something that can't be forgiven"
"This relationship is too broken to fix"
"I don't need help. I can do this on my own"

This has been revolutionary for my mental discipline. Not just for 'big' lies but little ones too (almost worse! Sneaky little lies!) We need to carefully discern our thoughts and avoid quick judgements - especially about others.

Identifying these lies, big or small, has brought much peace and steadiness to my life.

Crafty Craze!

2011-12-13T23:02:00.000-08:00

Our Homemade Christmas Crafts

2011-12-10T15:51:00.001-08:00

While I have much to say about our annual girlfriend Christmas get-together, I must share with you the presents we exchanged. One rule: It must be crafty.

And my friends did not disappoint!

Carley made personal magents with a list of "10 Things I Love About You" on the back. So sweet.

Stefanie made us each 'snow globes' (deer, tree, 'snow', in a jar). Clever, right?

El sewed us bags out of fabric she had at home. Beautiful! So talented!

Jenna made framed messages, prompted with "I love you because...". These can be reused since the message is written in dry erase marker. Very thoughtful.

Meg made us all snowflake 'wreaths', hand painted and all! What a lot of work and neat we can use them every year!

Vangie made us coasters that matched the decor themes of our homes. Ya, super intentional.

Li gave us lavendar bath salts (poor Vangie. Learned she was allergic.) Although Li got flack for not 'making' the salt, she did stamp the trees onto tags!

I made word clouds for each friend that represented characteristics we admired the most of each other and made them into cards.

Ken's Corner: When We Mess Up

2011-12-09T20:31:00.001-08:00

Well it's inevitable. You're going to mess up. You're going to get angry. You're going to say something you shouldn't.

We all do it.

Which is why it's important to know what do afterwards.

Ken suggested these things to communicate to your spouse when you mess up:
1. Recap what happened (the issue)
2. Empathize with how it probably made the other person feel
3. State what you should have done differently
4. And practice doing it right

Ken suggested truly role playing like you're back in the disagreement and choosing to react/speak differently. Jake and I both thought this was kinda bizarre. But the thought here is to practice doing it right instead of just talking about how you did it wrong. Power of Practice, he calls it. Buildling 'habit strength' (yes, I'm dropping counsling lingo to sound smart. Is it working!?!?).

And that's truly the challenge. To break years of 'doing it wrong' and, when it matters most, doing it right. It takes a lot of clear thinking, self control, and humility.

So the lesson for those of us who are comfortable in our old unproductive ways: practice, practice, practice! (Wow. That brings back memories of my piano lesson years...)

Ken's Corner: Position versus Interest

2011-12-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

(with booming voice)
Ladies and Gentlemen....

In the right corner of the ring, representing your specific wants, is Position. It's a lean stubborn fighting machine. Ready to fight tooth and nail to win. To be right. To give you exactly what you want.

In the left corner of the ring, respresenting your values, is Interest. It's a a quieter contestant, training always to stay level headed and grounded no matter who's swinging. Ready to fight to keep what matters most in the center of the ring.

(end booming voice)

Alright, a bit cheesy, but there is a battle between Position and Interest; a battle I didn't understand until Ken explained it to us.

Sometimes we'd communicate well, understand one another, empathize with each other, and still not come to an agreement we both could authentically make around an issue. It felt very much like a stalemate. When we came to Ken, claiming we tried all we could, he explained the concept of position versus interest.

Position is an exact way of thinking. "I want you to be home by 10pm when you hang out with the guys." and "I want to be able to stay out until 2am."

Interest is a deeper value. "I don't like waiting for you to be home and being unable to sleep." and "I don't want to be controlled and have a curfew. I just want time with my guys."

When we focus on our interests, instead of our polar positions, we can be way more productive in our conversations. It allows us room to negotiate instead of standing firm on specifics.

Jake and I went back to the conversation and tried again, this time talking more about our interests. We came to agreements that made us both feel respected. It was a win-win.

It's a battle when you feel strongly towards a position to back out and focus on the interest and be willing to negotiate. But that's what it takes.

To have a happy relationship :)

Fab Five (minus Jamie)

2011-11-27T12:34:00.001-08:00

No surprise that when Shannon emailed everyone about getting together in a few days, we jumped at the chance! Jillian and Lance had just flown back from Cabo the day before and was driving back to Hermiston, but made time to meet us girls at Starbucks for a few hours. Shannon was driving back up from Thanksgiving in Silverton. Candy was trying to coordinate everyone. And I... well I drove my butt up to Starbucks without hesitating. We missed Jamie (love ya!) which was a big bummer.

But I'm impressed we pulled it together.

We only had 1.5 hours together and it was just perfect (besides Brynley puking in Starbucks on Lance).

Love my friends (fading tattoos and all).

Ken's Corner: Don't Give Up

2011-11-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

Well this is blog number six in my "Ken's Corner" series- lessons I've learned from my psychologist. This one really should have been number one. The most important thing he ever said...

First, if I were a pastor speaking to a congregation once a week, I would end every message with the same three words. I determined this years ago and am still convinced that people need to hear this regularly:

Don't give up.

Don't give up on your dream of owning a business. Don't give up because you haven't found a medicine or solution that relieves your pain yet. Don't give up fighting your addiction. Don't give up trying to influence someone struggling. Don't give up in your faith even when it seems uncertain. Don't give up paying off your credit card even when it feels like your debt isn't shrinking fast enough. Don't give up on your dream to adopt even if the paperwork and money seems daunting. Don't give up because you haven't been promoted yet.

And maybe most importantly, don't give up on your relationships.

The most important thing Ken ever said was this, "You guys can have a great marriage. Not just an okay one." He has used that as an anchor, always pointing us back to that.

"You guys have to communicate if you want a great marriage."
"You have to negotiate to have a great marriage."
"You have to get out on dates and have fun if you want a great marriage."

Sounds so simple but that statement rocked me. I guess I got in such a negative mental place that it didn't even cross my mind that we could be truly really forever happy. How motivating to realize we indeed can (and how sad that I lost sight of that)! Essentially he was saying not to give up because this was worth fighting for. This was going to be great.

So, I'll take this opportunity to remind everyone today, don't give up. On whatever has got you discouraged, weary, overwhelmed, burdened or burnt out. (and don't hesitate to speak these words right back at me!)

Grandpa George

2011-11-23T21:12:00.001-08:00

George was my grandpa. Step-grandpa I suppose, but he was always just my grandpa. When we traveled to Minnesota, he was always there to pick us up at the airport, help with our luggage, ask me about school, and even help with homework if I had it with me. As I grew older, it was conversations about college and mortgages.

He was a quiet, gentle, and influential man. He did volunteer work. He stayed physically fit and active. He was extremely involved at church. He was a sweet supportive husband.

It was always apparent to me that he valued responsiblity, integrity and family.

Grandpa passed away on Friday night after months of his health deteriorating quickly. It feels so odd to be far away and not grieve with my family. I wish I could squeeze my grandma tight tonight.

Grateful for grandpa George, my family, and the promise of eternity to love...

(Side note: Jake was throwing away a piece of tupperware tonight that didn't have a matching lid. I said, "Why are you throwing that away?" His answer: "Because a container without a lid is like a hug without a squeeze." Huh? He explained, "I was thinking about Grandpa today and he once said pie without cheese is like a hug without a squeeze. I liked it." *smile*)

a heart of thanks.

2011-11-21T12:35:00.001-08:00

May 4^th 2009 I wrote an extensive list of thankyou’s to family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers that impacted me. I reread the list and l'm still so thankful for all those people...

Yesterday morning at church we talked about thankfulness. I havestruggled to have a grateful spirit in times where I was consumed by my ownpain and circumstances. The truth is I have much to be grateful for. Always have.

So today I takeanother stab at a long (but probably incomplete) list of gratitude. I inviteyou to read these personal thank yous so that you can be inspired to write alist too.

Ah hem....

Thank you church-member-who-will-remain-nameless. Youquietly paid for our worship leader’s coffee in the coffee shop in betweenservices. I saw the look of surprise on his family’s faces when they heard itwas already paid for. I saw you be generous in secret and it was a powerfulexample to me.

Thank you Lindsay for mentoring me at work. Our friendshiphas been so fruitful for my career and personal life. You are wise beyond youryears. I deeply respect your opinion and welcome your influence on my life, inall areas. You let me be brutally honest without judging me. I can’t tell you howencouraging and freeing it is.

Thank you Mandee for inspiring me to run. Although Ihaven’t ran in a long time, you are a great example of commitment anddiscipline. Watching you complete the Portland Marathon this year was soinspiring. Beyond running, you love me unconditionally. And I so appreciatethat!

Thank you Rita for being honest with me. A year ago yougave me advice during a difficult season. It was a risk because it wasn’t aneasy message to give, but you were obedient and I embraced your words with ahumble heart because I could see your words came from your own place ofvulnerability. I love you.

Thank you Ashley for watching Avery once a week. LeavingAvery in your care brings me much peace. I respect your mothering. I admireyour positive attitude. I love that our daughters love each other. I’m gratefulto have a friend who is available to watch and love my daughter on a regularbasis. Thank you.

Thank you Emily Bowler for being friends with me. We are sodifferent! You let me talk honestly about my life and my faith without judgingor stereotyping me. I shared things with you on our coffee jaunts at work thatI hadn’t shared with anyone. You are a safe place. I love that despite beingso different, and having moved on to different workplaces, we are still goodfriends. I am deeply grateful for our friendship (even if it’s mostly texts,gmail chats, and words with friends games!) On a separate note, thanks forintroducing me to West Elm!

Thank you Carley for coming over last summer and talkingwith me in the backyard. I bore my heart and you cried with me. You understandme in ways no one else does. I appreciate your transparency with me and being afaithful friend.

Thank you Jeff and Jenny for doing a ‘small group’ with us,despite it just being Jake and I. It’s been so meaningful for us. We’re in theWord more. Thinking long term. Encouraged to live intentionally. It’s been sofruitful for us. We respect the both of you immensely as spiritual leaders inour lives.

Thank you Dutch Bros baristas who tolerated Mandee and I’srequests to split our free large drink so many stinkin’ times. You never madeus feel stupid. For that I’m grateful!

Thank you Megan for writing me that brief message onFacebook a year ago. We’ve only seen each other once since high school but yourwords were encouraging. I appreciate you reflecting back and affirming me.

Thank you Maggie for the gift card after Avery was born.You were joyful for us and pampered me with love and free manicures! Yougenerously shared your giftings and resources with me. Thank you.

Thank you Dad for being a hands-on, loving, and generousGrandpa for Avery. Even though you’re the only Grandpa in her life, you giveher twice the love. She’s so so so lucky. Although this really isn’t for me, I want tothank you for giving Jake the trip to Alaska that he only dreamed of. You haveno idea how amazing that was for him. And as his wife, I’m so grateful to youfor loving him that much- to make a dream come true for him.

Thank you Missy for having an influence on my mothering.How you interact with Grace affects how I interact with Avery. After seeing you teach Grace to say please, Irealized I could probably teach Avery. I see you be playful with Grace and I learnhow to be more playful with Avery. Youare a wonderful mother. As always, I’m also extremely grateful for ourforever-friendship.

Thank you Mom. Gosh. I could write a whole blog on the waysyou bless our lives. Number one being the influence you have on Avery. You areso selfless. You put her first. You sacrifice your schedule to accommodate ourneeds for watching her. You buy her clothes, diapers, and toys. I am alsograteful for your random ‘Oh I bought too much of these meatballs and porkloins so here have some…” gifts. You are cleverly generous. I don’t have enough words to truly show mygratitude for all that you do for us. I love you. Thank you.

Thank you mother of a George Fox prospective student. Youtook time to thank me with meaningful thoughtful words. Your email encouragedour entire office. I kept it in my saved emails :)

Thank you Steve for not just preaching about serving butdoing it. You lead by example. You make evangelism realistic for those of uswho don’t know where to begin. You make it simple. You challenge us to be generousand kind.

Thank you Katie for all the hand-me downs you gave us. Mygoodness, you probably saved us at least 1,000 dollars in clothes, babyfurniture, and toys. You could have sold them and made money but you blessedour socks off by saving them for us. I am so so so grateful. Someone todaycomplimented on Avery’s outfits. I gave the credit to you!

Thank you Jillian for texting me last week when I was verydiscouraged. You didn’t even know what I was feeling, but you anticipated myreaction to a situation and saw an opportunity to encourage me. You are a goodfriend, Jillian. I appreciate all our gmail chats too! I miss you very much.

Thank you Avery for making me a better person. You fill myheart over and over and over… You are beautiful. You give me such purpose. Youmake me laugh. You make me practice patience. You give me an opportunity to bea good teacher. Thank you for being a shining light from day one. Your verypresence motivated me towards positive choices in my life. Thank you forsleeping well on your own. Thank you for your tight hugs and sloppykisses. Thank you for loving me. Can’twait for you to tell me someday!

Thank you Jake for being a wonderful playful father. Thankyou for the times you let me sleep in or have girls weekends away. Thank youfor choosing me despite that not being the easy choice. Thank you for beingcommitted to counseling. Thank you for serving our church by playing drums.

Thank you Jenna for pointing me to Gary Thomas’ “SacredInfluence” book. It’s transformed my thoughts about being a wife. On more thanone occasion the wisdom in that book changed my attitude. I’m grateful for your support in my life!

Thank you LiLi for watching Avery last minute a few weeksago. Thank you for always being positive. Thank you for the random encouragingtexts at 2am. Thank you for inspiring all of us to be spontaneous and live lifeto the fullest!

Thank you Shannon, Jamie, Jillian and Candy for taking thetime to do girls weekend in The Dalles this summer. What a fun carefreeweekend. Special thanks for Shannon and Candy who accepted my tattoo challenge!Thank you also for being transparent, vulnerable, and honest during ourconversation at Shannons last year. I’llnever forget that particular night. Ever.

Thank you to all the strangers who 'ohh and ahh' over Avery. I love that you see her beauty like I do and vocalize it. It warms my heart. I know how lucky I am!

Thank you to all my friends and family who have encouraged, affirmed, challenged, inspired, and laughed with me!

Quite overwhelming to consider how blessed I am.
This week I stop to say

THANK YOU

First Potty

2011-11-18T12:30:00.001-08:00

I hate diapers. I hate changing them, buying them, and trying to get them squarely on a jittery toddler!

So last week I bought a potty training chair and...

AVERY LOVED IT!

When I told her to sit on it, she did. When I asked her to go potty, she pushed as hard as she could (producing only a little toot) but she understood! So proud of her. She even threw a fit when I went to put the diaper back on.

However, I am not looking forward to her complaining she needs to go potty and having to find one on the turn of a dime!

So proud of my girl.

We will probably be in diapers for a while but it's fun to start introducing such a 'big girl' thing!

Ken's Corner: Five to One

2011-11-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

Some of you may not relate to this post. It's okay.

But some of you understand that relationships, especially in intense seasons, can be lack luster in the excitement-encouraging-affirming way.

It could be a relationship with your mother, or mother-in-law, or spouse, or maybe even child.

Ken suggests living by the five to one rule. For every one one challenging or difficult conversation, do five encouraging things to/for that person.

Notes. Calls. Flowers. Hugs. Gifts. Snuggles.
Affirmations. Emails. Texts.
Kisses. Appreciations.

Anything positive.

Imagine if we lived by this five to one rule in all our relationships at work, at home, at church etc. We'd be very positive people!

So an exhortation today: Be positive. Go out of your way to affirm and encourage, especially in relationships where there's been a lot of work.

(I may or may not start difficult emails to Jake with a list of 5 things I love about him or have appreciated within the last week... 'buttering up' if you will. But hey, my counselor said so!)

Clinging to hate when we hurt

2011-11-16T11:18:00.001-08:00

Well I may have gotten in over my head. On Facebook of course. I engaged in a debate that was emotionally charged and felt misunderstood. Could very well be my fault.

The comments were about a local man arrested for child pornography. Just awful.

I gasped out loud when I saw his mug shot. I had worked with him at a past company. He was a quiet man, but seemed genuinely nice and a believer.

What also surprised me was the malicious response to his arrest from Christians.

To be clear, I am glad he was caught. I believe he deserves jail time. My heart hurts. I worry if there are victims of abuse. As a mother, I'm horrified.

However, I am also a sinner. I believe in Christ's redemptive work. I believe he can heal victims. I believe he judges those who sin. And I remember a crowd ready to stone a woman to death who was caught in evil acts but Jesus responded, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7)

There is a judicial system that will punish him. For that I'm grateful. But to pick up a stone out of personal hate and want harm to him, I refuse to do.

I refuse to hate him.

I also refuse to think I'm exempt from temptation. We assume we'd never sink so low but I'd argue we are wasting time evaluating his sin compared with ours.

Big picture: Evil is evil. We all do it. I believe God has called us not to judge one another (again- grateful for a judicial system) and to avoid harboring hate in our hearts, even when we hurt.

You can all see the debate and my particular comments. I don't claim to be articulate. I also don't stick my head in a hole, tolerate sin, and assume God is the fluffy answer to everything. I don't turn a blind eye to sexual offenders, as suggested.

But I very much believe in the power of grace and love, while trusting justice will be served . I understand this would be confusing to hear as someone who has been a victim of sexual abuse. My heart goes out to victims. I don't claim to understand.

I do claim freedom from sin through the power of Christ. For everyone. For every sin.

Today I feel weary and discouraged.
And even more convinced we need a Savior...

God's kindness leads to repentance...

2011-11-14T11:49:00.001-08:00

He walked on stage and took us by surprise.

The guest speaker at church looked like Rod Stewart. But indeed hisname was Doug. Long bleached hair. Fancy fake western shirt with shiny buttons.Skinny jeans. Van shoes. And older than 50. He was very very funny. (I don’tthink I’ve ever heard a pastor cleverly use the word ‘ass’ in church. He hadour congregation, who are typically mild and conservative, rolling on the floorlaughing).

Today he shared this simple but important message: We must understand the culture we live in to effectively bring peopleto Jesus, and it starts by encouraging others.

He based this from Acts 26. Paul is explaining God’s commission on hislife: “I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them to open theireyes and turn them from darkness to light...” (verse 17).

Paul was to first open their eyes. Then they would turn from darknessto light.

Opening their eyes isn’t gospel tracks anymore. Our culture haschanged. We like reality TV because we want reality (ironic, I know, since weall know it’s scripted). We wantauthenticity. People want companionship, a friend, before they want 5 steps tosalvation. They need encouragement. They need patience positive influences intheir lives that don’t give up and don’t judge them. They need to see faith inaction before wanting it.

So we need to adjust. Meet them where they are. Open their eyes bybeing kind. Rake their leaves. Buy a stranger coffee. Hand out bottled water onthe sidewalk. Wash their cars for free. Bring them food. Replace their lightbulbs. Hand out glow sticks to their children on Halloween (all outreaches mychurch has done in the past few months. It amazes me).

We forget that going from unbelieving to believing is a process. (Doug shared about how he was born again, andthen again, and then again. That it took three times for it to really stick!). Weneed to be patient and ‘cut some slack’ to those trying to figure it out. Andshower them with authentic kindness.

Doug studied evangelism in the Bible- noting that Jesus interacted with unbelievers by first encouraging them.That’s where Jesus started.

Perhaps we should start there too.

Such a good sermon today...

Ken's Corner: Acceptance

2011-11-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

Accept, wha?

If something is broke, I fix. If something feels wrong, I try to right it. If a relationship or conversation feels 'off', I confront it. If something is great, it could probably be even greater. This doesn't overwhelm me (well, sometimes). It mostly motivates me. I thrive off accomplishing, checking off my to do list, and living with convictions about what is fair and right.

To accept something hard, for the sake of focusing on something better, or simply because I don't have any control over it, is just plain nuts to me.

But a month ago Ken encouraged me to accept an issue that has very much felt like a 'thorn in my side' but was completely out of my control.

I'll spare you details (and protect those I love dearly in my life) but man, this particular issue is so important. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. Financially. It's a whopper- at least in my heart. But Ken suggested that I let it go. That I realize it's truly not as big of a deal. At one point he even said I shouldn't 'catostrophize it'. (Blogger is confirming my suspicion with it's squiggly red line. This indeed is not a real word! I'll let it slide...).

A solution to the anxiety 'letting go' evokes is to think about the purpose and 'fruit' of doing so:

1. To have peace around something that can consume my thoughts and tax my emotions that truly isn't in my control whatsoever.
2. To lift the burden I project on the person involved (yuck)

If I were to be very thoughtful about this issue of acceptance, I'd also benefit from thinking how accepting others, imperfections and all, is a demonstration of grace. For example, I have a friend who's pretty bad at staying in touch or following through. It bothers me! But if I were to just accept her, and the fact she's not super great at reaching out and probably won't change, then I'm letting grace win out over bitterness.

I think acceptance will bring freedom and peace.
And will remind me to let go of control.

Because control is just an illusion, said Ken.
Sounds like a blog for next week :)

Work doesn't feel like work when you do this...

2011-11-08T10:42:00.000-08:00

I really love my job.

Because of the people. Because of the place. Because of the mission.

(and we drink coffee together a lot)

We had a good time at the Convention Center Monday morning.

It was a huge college fair with over 5,000 students that day and a hundred(ish) schools.

Mandee (photo taker), Lindsay (in photo) and myself chatted with students about George Fox,

answering questions (mostly about majors, money, and dorms).

I was anticipating a few awkward conversations with students who didn't know we were a Christian school. For your pleasure, I'll share this little gem...

"Hi. Do you have photography?"

"Yes, we do! Have you heard of George Fox before?"

"Nope"

"Well we're a private Christian Coll..."

"Oh. Oh. Oh." (said slowly with drama)

"Yup. It's okay if you're not interested."

"Well, do you force students to go to church?"

"We do have chapel and bible classes that are a requirement."

"Hmm (thinking), so there's singing?"

(My pause trying understand) "Oh, yes. We do sing in chapel."

"Hmmm... well I like singing."

Throws our materials in her bag and goes on her merry way....

I love my job.

Our Piglet

2011-11-08T10:27:00.000-08:00

Our piggie costume was gifted to Avery at Christmas, from who else but her great cousin and great aunt. (long pig theme in our family).

I'm not fool. I knew she'd probably hate it, pull at it, and throw a fit. So I developed a strategy.

I'll put Avery in her costume at least 3 or 4 times before Halloween so she's gets used to it.

And it worked.

Most of the time...

(She looks sad but I swear she was just fine a few minutes before this photo!)

Imagine a photo here of everyone admiring her while dropping candy in her bucket as she whispered 'Tank Tis" (Thank you) and waddling along.

Despite having my camera that night, I left my camera memory card at home. So I don't have photos.

We had a great time trick-or-treating downtown Newberg with the hundreds of other families. People really were admiring her, even other little girls saying "Oh mamma look at that cute little girl!"

Despite being called a sheep a few times (SERIOUSLY!? She's pink with a squiggly tail!), her costume was a huge hit and we're lucky her thick little thighs still fit in it!

Ken's Corner - Talking

2011-11-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I wrote about listening. Not my strength.

But today I'm writing what I've learned about talking (my fav), particularly in a difficult conversation but I think this can apply to any purposeful conversation.

Be prepared. I think Ken gets kick-backs from paper companies because he is constantly saying "okay pull out a pen and note pad and write your thoughts down". Truth is, when we write (or type), we're being thoughtful and aware of our thoughts and feelings. So before I want to approach Jake about something, I write down my thoughts. It makes me more efficient with my words, with Jake appreciates. A ton. (who knew- I can get get wordy and lengthy! Ok- that's no surprise.)

Plan to talk. Jake and I have scheduled times we can talk through difficult issues. This ensures he doesn't feel bombarded by my desire to 'have a talk' the minute he walks in the door and also prepares us to be thoughtful instead of jumping into a conversation that might be hard. We also say, if we're talking longer than 30 minutes, it's probably going to become tiring and unproductive. So we plan for only 30 minutes max. (sounds formal but I've noticed it makes us dread confronting issues less when we know it's going to be short and productive).

Let the talking begin...

Issue. State what's on my mind. (brief, prepared, articulate thoughts)

Feelings. How it makes me feel.

Requests. My suggestions for change, beginning with a request I make of myself regarding the issue and then requests I'm making of Jake to solve the issue. This might be offering compromises so we both have peace and agreements around an issue (little or big).

All the while, the listener is taking notes, understanding, making sense, empathizing and repeating it back.

Again, some of you are yawning. I get it. But again, this process changed us. We've fallen in and out of this routine but when we're fully committed to this process, it totally works and brings us together on the same page.

Now you switch! You're the listener now...
It's like tag! But perhaps less fun.

Mass.

2011-10-31T10:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went to my first mass. (Well technically I wentto Christmas Eve Mass in St Peters Square in Venice in 2004 but we didn’t staylong. It was a midnight mass, which was past my bed time.)

Needless to say, Saturday felt like a first experience. Mycoworker, Justin, was marrying his sweetheart, Elizabeth, during a traditionalCatholic Matrimony Mass. I was fairly excited to go. To celebrate them. But toalso experience a different faith service.

Many Observations

I noticed peoplebowed their bodies (not just heads) towards the crucifixion at the front of thechurch before sitting.

Some knelt on a padded alter in front of each pew beforesitting. They’d linger there for a few minutes. Not necessarily in prayer buttaking a few minutes in that posture before sitting in the pew.

The mass was interactive. After scripture readings, duringparticular parts of songs, and after certain sayings, the church would respondin unison. I, of course, had no clue what to say.

The preparation of the sacraments for communion was veryintentional and religious. Including bells, songs, and specific scriptures. Thepriest, during worship, held up the cracker and goblet of wine up high abovehis head- towards heaven; with reverence in his eyes and worship on his lips.

If you weren’t Catholic, you’d approach the priest atcommunion with arms crossed against your chest and he would thoughtfully touchyour shoulder and say something brief with much sincerity (regretfully I didn’tparticipate in communion so I don’t know what he says).

During a ‘greeting time’, everyone greets one another bysaying “Peace be with you”.

MeaningfulMoments

If I could sum up my observations of mass,I’d use these words:

Intentional. Reverent. Thoughtful. Sacred.

I live in a ‘spiritual culture’ that’s so different. I get my latte from the church coffee shop and waltz into the sanctuary. I socialize and maybe jump on Facebook on my phone before the service starts. As we start to sing, people are still talking and take their time entering into worship. It’s casual. It’s comfortable. We’re in jeans.

I’m not saying it’s wrong but after leaving mass Saturday I wondered if I was missing out on traditions that make me more reverent. How should we approach God in worship and teaching? Are we to approach him like a friend or like God Almighty? Would having 'rituals' of bowing and kneeling and reciting prayers together foster a more reverent posture of our hearts? Do we respect the church as a sacred place? Do we enter anticipating and in humility?

There was one touching moment that tugged on my heart. I watched four little Asian girls in line to receive communion, approaching the priest. One of them was showing the youngesthow to cross her arms across her chest (she was too young to take communion). Once thelittle one got to the front, she bowed with arms crossed and the priest knelt down with such gentleness andkindness in his eyes. He put his hand on her shoulder and gave a blessing.There was something so tender and simple about a little child of God bowing andreceiving a blessing. I know she was too young to completely understand everything(I’m guessing she was 4) but it was powerful to observe. Child-like faith.Simplicity. Reverence.

I feel challenged. I feel a stir in my heart. To honor God by posturing myself, physically or emotionally, in humility and with reverence of His greatness.

Congrats to Justin and Elizabeth! They couple was beaming with joy.

Ken's Corner- Listening

2011-10-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Listening.

Gosh. Just not my fortay. But I'm learning A TON about it. This applies to my friendships, not just my marriage.

First off, in a conversation someone has to be the listener. You'd think this is a no-brainer. But conversations are destined to be heated arguments when both people are focused on being heard and not hearing. So first thing to learn: accept when I'm to be the listener in a conversation. (I think it's the hardest role, by far).
My job as a listener has 5 parts. Yup. 5.

Fight defensiveness. Man, this is the most important. Even if I'm not verbal about, if I'm mentally shooting down everything Jake is saying while he's talking, I am not listening. This takes so much self control, especially when you don't agree with what the other person is saying. Huge indicator of defensiveness: interrupting. Drat.

Seek to understand. I may not agree with what Jake is saying, but my role is to understand what he's saying. To make him feel heard. (again, this goes for parents or friendships as well)

Make sense of it. I know what he's saying but now I can also make sense why he might feel that way. See things from his perspective.

Empathize. Now I understand and 'get it', but do I care? 'Yes' should be the obvious answer but sometimes this is hard! The fact is, if we love someone, we truly don't want to make them feel frustrated or sad. So even if we disagree with some of the other person's observations or thoughts, we care enough to say 'I want to work this out so you don't feel that way anymore'.

Repeat back. This is soooo cliche but we've seen how important this is. Hearing someone repeat back our thoughts, feelings and requests helps us feel heard. It also allows us to correct any miscommunications. Although this sounds strict, repeating back is also the only time the listener can talk (so far). This 'rule' helps to ensure that bantering back and forth doesn't happen.

That's it. Avoid defensiveness. Understand. Make sense of it. Empathize. And repeat it.
Next week- being the talker! (Yes- there are rules for talkers too!)

(This post may seem so basic and perhaps boring but it has dramatically changed how we work out issues. And let's be honest. You can just skip these blogs if you want!)

Avery's self portrait

2011-10-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was going through photos on my iphone and this is what I found.

Avery's self portrait.

Of her feet.

While standing on our bed.

Probably while I was blow drying my hair in the morning.

Love little surprises.

(well. of these kind)

S.O.A.P

2011-10-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

Jake and I started a new small group about the Bible, specifically journaling through it. We're pretty excited. Last night we learned about. S.O.A.P.

S: Write down the scripture that jumps out in the chapter.
O: Write down the observation of what's happening in that verse.
A: How does that apply to you?
P: Pray about it.

So we all sat down with our Bibles, silently read John 1, and journaled on our own.

It was remarkably simple, which really isn't the first word that comes to mind when I think Bible Study.

Verses that I just skimmed over were verses that others found significant. Things I never thought of.

Mine was verse 23. John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”

Here's my question (that I posed to the group, and now you). When did John figure out "that prophecy in Isaiah, that's me. I am the 'voice of one calling in the wilderness' that was talked about DECADES and decades ago." How was he so sure? Was it exciting? Was it scary? What was the 'ah-ha' moment like?

That would be nuts. But then again, he seemed kinda nuts (eating locusts in the dessert? Gross!)

So the application. What does that verse have to do with me?

Well I want to know my purpose. My role. I want to be so sure of God's purpose in my life, like John was. I want confidence. To be 'all in'.

John 2 tonight... Anyone want to try it with me and share what verse pops out at you?

Ken's Corner - Emotionality

2011-10-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a blog series. Every Friday (or at least when I have the time) I'm going to write a blog in a series called the Ken's Corner. Ken's my counselor I've seen for over 2 years now (mostly with Jake, sometimes without).

There are three reasons for this series:
1. I might save you a co-pay (or therapy session fee) by sharing what I'm learning or have learned.
2. It forces me to be thoughtful about what I'm learning
3. I've liked the idea for a blog 'series' for a long time now.
4. My counselor and I realized today how therapeutic writing is for me.

Let's begin...

Today Ken spoke to me about emotionality. I had never heard that word before.

He started by asking me, very gently, why I was so emotional in our sessions. You'd think this question might provoke defensiveness. It did not. I trust him. And I'm super aware I cry a lot. Why deny it.

He prefaced the conversation by saying that crying isn't bad, per say, but it can make spouses immediately defensive and uncomfortable. Seems worth reflecting about.

So we did.

We unearthed 3 reasons why I'm so emotional in our marriage sessions. I'll spare you the details, but after listing them out, we talked about potential solutions to each one. (I really appreciate how practical he is)

One solution was a rubber band.
Yup. A rubber band.

He asked me to put it on my wrist and encouraged me to snap myself (stay with me!) when my thoughts became negative and unproductive. Realistically, he said it could be a reminder to 'snap out of it' but I like the actual snapping idea. :)

So here's my take away this week: Emotions aren't bad but it's worth reflecting on why we react the way we do (especially us women that co-function as faucets at times). Write out thoughts. Identify feelings. And think about solutions.

Simple and productive.
Now to execute!

The evasive anniversary card

2011-10-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Jake asked me once, "What do you really want?"

My answer: "A card. But not just any anniversary card. I want you to write in it. And not just your name. I want you to write me a lovely, long note inside in your own words."

So this year what did Jake get me?
Not a card.

Fast forward 6 weeks.

Last night I was hiding from Avery by jumping up on the kitchen counter, hiding behind the edge of the fridge when I saw something sitting on the dusty fridge top. It was an anniversary card. So I peeked inside.

It was blank.

"Uh Jake. Did you forget to give me something on our anniversary?"

His answer made me laugh so hard.

"I bought it the day after our anniversary, because I realized you wanted a card, but forgot to give it to you. So I hid it for next year."

!?!?

Social Experiment: Hair Change

2011-10-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

If you want to throw people off or make them tongue-tied, dye your hair.

I became a brunette (more so than planned) and let me tell you, it's been comical.

Jake: "Weren't going to tell me, huh?" *disclaimer: I should have warned him before he came home.

My dad: "So brown, huh? Jake, what do you think about that?"

Robin, President of George Fox: "Oh wow. Uh... Is that permanent?"

Go figure that women have responded with affirmation.
Come on, guys!

heart melt.

2011-10-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

she's a {feisty, independent, strong willed, silly, affectionate, social} little girl.

but most important, she's mine!

forever.

heart melt.

Marathons, and Mandee, are inspiring...

2011-10-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning Christine, baby Ariy, and I drove up to Portland to cheer on our good friend Mandee finishing the marathon. That's 26.3 miles incase you were wondering. Wowsers.

As we were driving up, I kept saying, "Okay. She's probably really tired right now. Probably on mile 20. The rain isn't too bad. I wonder if she has an specific hurting points..." etc While I slept in, went to church, came home and ate, she had been running for HOURS ...

We got there late and ran our butts off to the finish line, only to wait 20 or 30 minutes. All that needless running. Shucks. We probably ran a half mile through downtown Portland. Poor Ariy was along for the ride.

Anticipation grew as we cheered on other runners. "Just around the corner! You're almost done! Good job!" It was so inspiring. I really can't explain it. There were fairly old folks running. Couples running holding hands. Barefoot runners. Pregnant runners. (!?!)

We watched as these people were paces away from the finish line- and it was absolutely inspiring. I may have cried a few times. And to see hundreds of people cheering on strangers as they waited to see their loved ones. Wow. Just neat.

Also neat is my friend Mandee. So proud of you! You are so disciplined and amazing. Too bad you aren't going to run another one. I'm trying to convince Christine for next year! :) You are so inspiring and I love you DEARLY.

Ali and Maddy visit!

2011-10-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

Ali and Maddy visited with us yesterday, Although brief, I always love these visits. Our girls were born 2 days apart and despite being across the country, Ali and I have kept in contact through the different stages of mommihood.

Ali and I were friends in middle school. She moved away in 8th grade.

I love how children make you reconnect with old friends!

(This was from November. They're growing up!)

Free Coffee. Yes Please.

2011-09-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

Robin is a funny guy. He likes to poke fun at me. Often. In large groups. And you know me. I don't shy away from banter or teasing. One day when I was at lunch, he messed up my desk. So the next day I stole a stuffed animal from his office.

It's an intimidating office. He is the President of George Fox, afterall.

Well yesterday, during a group conversation, he was poking fun at me, suggesting I was in a bad mood most days (not true). I confronted this lie by suggesting back that he owed me a coffee for suggesting such a thing. A carmel macchiato to be exact. He laughed and said that was not coffee but mostly sugar.

Two hours later I found this on my desk. A carmel macchiato with "Robin" on the side. I marched up to his office and we both laughed.

And that's our leader at George Fox.
Nice guy, right?

Averys first baking experience.

2011-09-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

Katie is such a good mom and aunt!

She included Avery when she and Taylor made a cake last week.

Taylor shared stirring duties (although Avery's hand dove into the bowl a few times)

Needless to say, she loved it!

We are so lucky for such great family!

It's been a long time, Jer.

2011-09-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

My heals sink into the grass as I make the familiar walk to his headstone after work. I've walked this many many times before but today it feels different. As odd as it sounds, tip toeing in my high heals evokes a new trigger. If you've lost someone before, you know how unpredictable those can be. This is what hit me:

High heals. Working. A working mom. An adult.

My word, I'm an adult.

And when he died, I was a new teenager. I was fourteen heading into high school. And now I'm married, with a toddler, living in our own home, having a full-time career.

A lot can change in thirteen years.

And for some reason, this grieves me. It makes him feel more distant.

As always, I brush off his headstone and get irritated (and disgusted) by all the bugs. I take a second to let the world grow quiet, like pushing my own mental mute button.

I find the small wooden box on the back of his headstone and fish out the small journal tucked inside. I find my usual seat on the benches behind his grave and prepare my heart to hurt as I open the pages. Instinctively I'm drawn to find my father's handwriting. There's something raw about someone's handwritten thoughts. My father is extremely loving and approachable but I treasure this peek into the deep places of his heart.

I close my eyes and let the sun warm my face. Everything overwhelming in my life gets simple. Prayers become simple. My purpose seems simple. It's the beauty of perspective.

As part of my normal routine, I pick up the pen and write my own entry. Eventually I pack up, putting the journal away, and hover over his gravesite. Deep sigh.

It's been a long time, Jer.

Grocery Glee

2011-09-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

I used to dislike grocery shopping

Until I started bringing a shopping partner.

This is her squealing because she's out from my control (I'm not touching the cart).

Ya. She's my independent girl.

My Mess-Maker

2011-09-15T17:11:00.000-07:00

Avery was quite in the kitchen... sounds of objects hitting the ground.

I walked quietly in the kitchen.... and this is what I found...

It took us a while to undestand one another but finally she put them all back...

One by one they they were tossed in the cupboard as I watched trying not to laugh...

Remember September 11th

2011-09-11T12:56:00.000-07:00

I was getting ready for another day at high school. It was a couple weeks into my senior year. I turned on the radio, as I usually did, but instead of energizing music, I heard an unbelievable news report.

Still somewhat sleepy and not totally sure what was happening, I walked down the hallway into the family room. My parents were watching the TV. And that's when I realized the magnitude of what was happening.

My eyes fixated on the screen as I saw the image of a business building in New York smoking. Reports about a plane flying directly into it. As we watched, new reports came in. New footage. Another building. Another plane. And more smoke.

We couldn't stop watching. What was happening? We were watching live streams of video across the country. It was unreal. Literally felt like we were watching a movie. But knowing people must have been in those buildings...

It then got worse. Reports and new footage of a building collapsing. They were falling...

I drove to school in a daze. My first class was an Advanced Placement Writing Lit class. We were all consumed with the morning events. The professor asked us to get out paper and just start writing. Anything. Emotions. Worries. Reactions.

I can't remember exactly what I wrote. Oh how I wish I was better at keeping old things around (like that paper). But I'm fairly certain part of it was a letter to the President. Empathizing for his sense of responsibility for next steps and panic.

Weeks and months followed with more details. New photos. New videos. Newly released phone calls made from the flights. Years later TV movies were made. Building memorials were in the news. Reports about what the government did know and did not know. Years and years later, reports on health problems for those who inhaled the smoke and debris that day... Weathered bumper stickers still affixed on cars. "We Will Not Forget"

No, indeed.

We have not.

Picture of what someone wrote in the dust on car near the twin towers.
Courtesy of abcnews.com

Shared Grief

2011-09-09T08:49:00.000-07:00

My dad once described the phases of grief, specifically losing a loved one, this way:

At first it's like a giant black hole is in the middle of your living room. You can't move without falling in and being consumed by pain.

After a few weeks, perhaps months, the hole is a tad smaller and you realize it's not going away. Instead of almost falling in, you stop yourself and remember to edge around it.

After a few more months, perhaps years, the hole is smaller. It's part of your normal routine. You walk around it, very aware but you've adapted because, as anyone who has experienced loss knows, life goes on. With or without you.

I recently emailed this to a friend who's grieving the loss of her brother-in-law. Sadly the details of his death are devastating and has been on all the large news networks. I don't pretend to relate to the context of their grief. But grief, in general, I know well.

In the last week and a half, I've found myself grieving with my friend. Reliving the days after knowing Jeremy was gone. Forever. Remembering the piles of food people brought. All the flowers. Being extremely thankful but deep within I was screaming "this won't bring him back. nothing will." I remember the media calling (although not in the volume they have experienced). I remember mail still coming with his name on it. So many emotional triggers that push you towards falling in the devastating dark hole of grief.

I am so grateful my friends know Jesus well. As I typed this, a song came on my iTunes: Beauty for Ashes by Crystal Lewis. It was the song Jeremy sang a few weeks before his death in 1998. It became our anthem. How timely. In the words of Crystal Lewis, "When sorrow seems to surround you. When suffering hangs heavy over your head. Know that tomorrow brings wholeness and healing. God knows your need. Just believe what he says... He gives beauty for ashes..."

Please take a moment, bow your head, and pray for this family. They still have questions and want answers. Please pray that God would hold their hand as they learn to live with this enormous hole in their lives...

What a Weekend!

2011-09-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

This last weekend was amazing. We were poolside most of the weekend at a family friend's house. Avery wasn't too sure about it- which was surprising.

Jake and I escaped for an anniversary date (thanks Grandma and Grandpa Endicott). We ate good at PF Changs and walked around Bridgeport for shopping. It was wonderful. And relaxing. Having a handsome date helped...

Sunday morning we went to Red Hills Market. We absolutely loved it. Scones. Stumptown coffee. Breakfast sandwhiches and cutest little toddler ever. :)

Then more poolside fun Sunday afternoon followed by family dinner at Rita's house.
What a weekend. So wonderful.
So blessed.

Six Years

2011-09-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

For five years I’ve felt like a wooden raft adrift in a sea of thrashing waves. They’re tearing me apart. I can’t catch my breath before I’m pummeled by the next one. There’s no hope. It’s dark. I’m cold and wet. And I want out.

I want out of this turbulent marriage.

Since day one we’ve dealt with crisis after crisis in our relationship. Lies. Isolation. Unemployment. Infertility questions. Broken families. Major trust issues. I’ve cried enough tears to create my own ocean. I was drowning in disappointment, shame (for a failed relationship) and hopelessness that it would never change.

In May of this year I told Jake that I was done. For the first time in our relationship, despite wanting to dozens of other times, I finally suggested the d word.

Divorce.

Enough tears. Enough pain. Enough feeling unloved. I was done. So I moved into the guest bedroom. I called my mom and asked her to support me if I chose a divorce. I asked her to affirm me; that I did absolutely everything I could and that God would understand.

To my surprise, she told me no. Divorce wasn’t the right choice. So I hung up on her.

Through a series of events, none seeming super significant, my heart was changed. The blame I placed on Jake melted as I owned my attitude and made changes within myself. Not because I had the energy or even the desire to. But because I felt that following Jesus required me to better myself, regardless of what my husband did or did not do. Out of obedience to God to love others well, I made small changes. I made sure when he walked in the door, home was warm and welcoming. I made more dinners. I stopped interrogating him. I cleaned the house. I stopped focusing on his failures. And most importantly, I sought love and validation from Jesus first (an ongoing process).

I can’t speak for Jake’s journey, but something changed in him too. He helped with taking care of Avery more. He asked about my day. He showed gratitude about the clean house and meals. We even began to laugh together. He started including me in his passions. He invited me to go fishing and I actually said yes. (If you don’t believe in miracles, you should believe in them now).

Around the same time, a year of consistent marital counseling finally began bearing fruit. We talked through issues that had been swept under the rug for five years. To our own astonishment, we worked out deep issues without getting defensive or angry. We empathized for each other. We sought peace for each other. We committed to the process and it worked.

I’ve always hesitated sharing so openly about our struggles. I’ve been eager to share so that other lonely wives could feel relief that they were indeed not alone. On the flip side, I didn’t want to embarrass Jake by airing our dirty laundry. But this morning, with his permission, I share the details so I can invite you to celebrate with us.

Saturday we celebrated six years of marriage.

Instead of being on a broken raft alone, we’re sitting on a mended raft together. Instead of a violent ocean, we’re on a river that’s alive and exciting. It’s going somewhere. And we’re still seeking direction from our counselor. One of the most profound things he told was this: “You’re not here to just survive your marriage. You’re here to have a great marriage. And you can.”

What seemed to be too damaged, too heavy, and irredeemable was redeemed. It took hard work. And will continue to require work. But Jake and I both can speak honestly that we're the happiest we've ever been. Wanting to hang out. Missing each other. Laughing together. And extremely grateful we didn't give up.

We're done just surviving.
We are becoming great.
It's a process but we're 'all in'.

I love you Jacob Michael.
Thank you for not giving up.

Cheers to the next sixty great years...

KRISTEN'S HERE!

2011-09-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Every year I look forward to several things.

Making my Christmas list. Summer weather. 4th of July Parade in St Paul.

And seeing Kristen Harris.

She was one of my best friends in high school.

I think she's cool for multiple reasons: she's smart, independent, funny, lives on the east coast and works at a federal agency that shall remain unnamed. That's pretty cool. (she's good at keeping secrets).

This week I got super lucky: I had lunch with her twice.

Catching up once a year is tough. And the last few years life has been tough for the both of us. But the visits this week were different. We're both more mature. Leaning more into God. More comfortable in our skin. Despite being in completely different seasons of life, we're both in fresh new seasons. And it's refreshing!

Funny story: She sat in my neighbor's driveway for 25 minutes before realizing she was at the wrong house. Didn't even see me drive up and walk in my door. Pretty funny.

My new nice neighbors

2011-09-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

Despite still grieving Phil and Missy and Grace moved, I've loved meeting the new renters: four George Fox girls!

Earlier this week I ran into two of them while walking back from the mailbox with Avery: Wendy and.... oh no.. ah shoot. I forget the other's name. They were extremely nice. We chatted a bit. And I offered my help and anything from my cupboard if they needed it.

To my delight, they've taken up on my offer! I met girl number three (Alicia) when her and... gosh... I'm terrible... girl-number-two stopped by my office on campus to see me (warmed my lil heart). Then girl-number-two knocked on my door a few nights ago to borrow baking powder for their cookies.

And the biggest surprise... they brought me pounds of green beans.

And this... cabbage.

Half of it is the size of Avery's head...

I tried making coleslaw and failed terribly.

I hope I build friendships with these girls over the next year!

Memories from Medford!!!

2011-08-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

What a weekend with our best friends! Park walks, ice cream stops, water park adventures, and playground shenanigans. Unfortunately Grace was teething and Avery was throwing tantrums. Their naps were short. And I was extremely tired most of the weekend (even taking naps while the girls were down). What a boring guest!

But Missy said it best. Some friends are just low maintenance. And bumming around is okay... as long as we're together! So that's what we did.

Missy is amazing. She is a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, seeker and friend. I love how she influences me. But I also love how she influences Avery. Being kind and patience. Teaching her to count til 3, or saying "YES!" enthusiastically. I love the influence she has on my family. Her positivity, honesty, and ability to laugh and make others laugh.

I am so so so lucky. Lucky to have her as a friend. To share motherhood with her. And that they only live 4 hours away!

George Fox Is Buzzin'!

2011-08-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (Thursday), the admissions staff helped check in the new incoming students on campus. For us, it's like harvest day; finally seeing the fruits of our labor!

Unfortunately the day wasn't perfect.

It started by an explosion at the Best Western Inn that left several of our families in the cold dark from 3am to 6:45am the morning of check-in. (to make it worse, it was because someone was making drugs in a hotel room).

Then, one hour into check-in, someone brought us a list of students and asked us to mark the ones that check-in (uh... what about the hundred that came within the last hour? We didn't memorize their names!) To make it worse, the list was sorted by times/group numbers, not alphabetically. Impossible!

Then our laptops started to run out of battery, only to realize whoever set up our check-in tent provided a power strip, attached to a long extension chord, which led to nothing. We were never plugged in. Our computers died and I had to track down temporary laptops while the lines grew.

Then our IT department ran out of ID cards. At orientation. NUTS. ID cards get students into dorms and meals. Kinda a big deal.

And it was 90 degrees.

After a very full 10 hour workday, I drove 4 hours to Medford to visit Missy and Grace and Phil. Avery went down for a nap and I think I'm joining her...

Yawn.

Family Fishing

2011-08-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

The second I walked into the house Tuesday night Jake said, "Let's go fishing!". So we packed food-to-go and drove out to a public fishing area past St Paul (closer to Woodburn). It was beautiful. We walked on the paved trails that weaved through several ponds. Jake threw his fishing line in a few times- only to catch a tiny fish. It was a beautiful evening as a family. Sometimes it's nice to get out, even on the week days.

2011 Annual Girls Day (er.. Morning!)

2011-08-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

Despite the 2 hour drive back from Vancouver (ya- bad traffic), and besides waiting one hour for our food at breakfast (despite sitting in an almost empty restaurant), today's girl day was great. My friends are amazing and beautiful. I treasure these girls so much!

The first boy joined us this year: Clive! He snuggled on my chest. Without trying to wiggle out of my arms. It was wonderful (I miss babies!)

We walked down to the Vancouver Farmer's Market.

Sometimes my friends are silly. Okay. Most of the time.

Oh how I miss El... so much.

Stefanie's crazy...

It rubs off on me...

We were stuck in traffic on the way home... without air conditioning... in 90 degrees. I was CRABBY. So Ruth and Hampton, and newcomers Phyllis and Mary, made a comeback in Stefanie and I's storytelling adventures.

So the day wasn't epic. No big activities, but my friends are epic!

24 Hours Epic Girls Trip

2011-08-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm still recovering *yawn* from an amazing 24 hours with Shannon, Jillian, Jamie and Candy in The Dalles/Hood River. I can't believe it's been years since we all got out of town together.

It's a beautiful thing; friendship. I've said this before about these girls, but they truly are amazing. Somehow our laughter flows into deep converations without them seeming opposites. We're silly and 'dumb' and at the same profoundly thoughtful toward one another.

I've wondered what the magical ingredients are that make these friendships work considering we're all so different. And I think I figured it out this weekend: we all value each other on the same, extremely high, level. Three of us are moms. And we don't hesitate for a second about scheduling a retreat away because we know we need each other. We all have roles (originally I typed rolls. haha I DO!) : moms, career women, wives, daughters ... but we are also friends. We need that. And we see how extremely lucky we are.

Trip in Words:Alright alright. Deep stuff aside... Here's what we did: spent the night in a seedy hotel room with an 'onsuite'. ate/talked and listened to live music at the bar 15 feet in front of our hotel door (fun fact: the bar is the old courthouse where the last hanging in Wasco county was). stayed up way to late doing nothing in particular (okay- taking pictures in the dark). ate breakfast at a french cafe. walked old town The Dalles way too many times. did antique shopping (I SCORED with a treasure!). went to Hood River. ate pizza. drove through the country. went cherry picking. watched glass blowing. pics at Panorama Park. ice cream downtown. walked the shops. and, drumroll, got tattoos (well... most of us. work in progress).

Trip in Pics:

Now I need a nap from all this photo uploading... :)

Dancing Daughter

2011-08-05T07:39:00.000-07:00

Avery has really improved her groove and dancing moves in the last few weeks.

Last night we were outside enjoying the warm summer night. Avery predictably jumped into the pool fully clothed so we stripped her naked and let her run around.

Seeing this is as a perfect opportunity to capture blackmail footage, I got my camera, turned on some music and videotaped her dancing naked (think wedding footage...)

Last night I learned my daughter favors Beyonce, specifically her song Single Ladies. Every time I tried to put on a new song, Avery stomped her feet in protest. When I played Single Ladies, she started flailing her arms and shaking her bum again. Absolutely hysterical.

A special man will be very lucky some day. Lucky to have Avery and also lucky that I taped all these special moments for their wedding reception :)

Sunscreen as free as God's love.

2011-08-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the Old Fashion Festival in Newberg. We went to the parade, walked around the vendor tents, let Avery play in the park, came back for some greasy dinner and shaved ice, and went to the pancake feed on Sunday morning. It was truly truly delightful.

But this year there was a special experience. Not deeply meaningful but good for the soul.

Avery and I handed out around 300 individual packs of sunscreen before the parade. Our church bought them and attached cards that said "God loves you" with our church information on the back. And people loved them. I only covered a few blocks of the parade route and mine were gone in 20 minutes. I thought it would be cute if Avery handed some out but she threw them on the ground. Servant-in-training :)

Most of you know that our church has gone through transition. And we're not certain how long we're staying. But despite sermon topics, sermon styles, and transitions, this is what our church does right: serving.

This weekend we're doing a $1 car wash. Yup. And we're not asking for a dollar. We are giving people $1 to wash their car! Imagine their faces!

And twice this summer our church has BBQ'd and walked neighborhoods handing out free burgers and hot dogs.

Every Sunday morning our new pastor reminds us to have a servants heart, specifically to tip big when eating out and pay for the coffee behind you in line at a coffee shop.

This is what floors me: Doing practical things with no strings attached. Just "God loves you."

Man oh man. If we could all get that right...
Being generous in love and with what we have.

Conversation that stirs your soul

2011-07-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

Ever read a book that makes your heart hurt? Years ago I read "Left to Tell" - a self-biography about Immaculee surviving the Rwandan Genocide. Amazing book. But made my heart hurt.

Our office is reading a book like that called Enrique's Journey. It's painful to read. The pages expose an awful reality: innocent children are risking their lives in quest of their parents who illegally immigrated into the United States for work.

These kids hop train tops through Central America. Dodge burglars. Avoid brutal police. Risk their lives, and most often their limbs, jumping onto trains. They often get caught and start all over from their home country. All in desperate attempt to arrive at the US border - the final hurdle- the only thing in the way from them and their parent.

Every month we sit down as a team to discuss our thoughts on the book. This week's conversation was quite lively (oh how I love a good debate!). The last few months our conversations landed on illegal immigration, politics, compassion, poverty, and charity.

But yesterday our conversation became about right and wrong (oh one of my favorite debates! I may have instigated it a bit). Was it right or wrong for Enrique's mom to leave her children for work in the US, especially knowing the devastation it caused.

This led to conversations about relative theology and absolute truth. Is there a right and wrong decision in every circumstance? Can some bad decisions not be immoral decisions? The conversation was lively. At one point I think half of us were talking at once. Loudly. Passionately. Challenging each other. Playing devil's advocate (seriously? Where did that phrase come from? We need an alternative saying.)

But get this! We all walked away from the 1.5 hour discussion between 10 opinionated people about deep spiritual issues and we all felt good. Really good. We didn't all agree. But our souls were stirred.

Afterward I was talking to Taylor and he made a great comment. Something along the lines of "How cool that we have these kind of experiences and conversations at our work."

So grateful for a place that doesn't judge. We aren't perfect. We have interpersonal issues that come up. But you can trust that everyone's sincere intent is to love others well. So when we disagree, and things get lively, it doesn't spoil relationships. It builds them.

We are finishing the book next month. I'll post more about Enrique's Journey and how it ends. We just read he has a new born baby back in Honduras with his teenager girlfriend. If the next chapter's title is foreshadowing, "The girl left behind", I'm sure we'll mull over some hard emotions, like wanting to hit him over the head while having deep compassion over his brokenness.

I wonder what the 600 new students to George Fox will think when they read this book in the Fall...

The 4th (yes I know)

2011-07-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

I know it's the 18th. Lame. But here are pictures from our 4th of July! This is one of my most favorite family traditions we have: St Paul Parade.

Highlights: Avery stayed in our laps (for the most part). She had her first snow cone (thanks Gma and Gpa Endicott). And was really really tired afterward. Can't wait til next year. She'll gather candy for her momma :)

Avery Lane at the Park

2011-07-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Beach Trip. Crazy daughter!

2011-07-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

Rain or shine we were headed to the beach on Saturday.

Avery LOVED the sand, although she strugged to stay on her feet. Within the first 30 seconds of touching the sand, she had a handful in her mouth... and didn't like it. :)

There's no stopping this baby. She ran around that beach with no inhibition!

More than the sand, she loved the water. Jake took Avery to touch her toes in the ocean but she chose to sit in it! And not only sit...

But roll around in the water! She had so much fun! Squeals and squeals of delight! Unfortunately momma forgot to bring a pair of clothes for her.

So we bought her a new outfit, grabbed lunch, and her and her daddy snoozed on the way home. A wonderful day trip indeed! (momma got her nap when we got home!)

Music. Glow sticks. And inspiring people.

2011-07-17T14:16:00.000-07:00

Imagine a celebration. You’re standing in the middle of a football field with hundreds of other people. It’s getting dark so the stadium lights flood over the crowd. There’s music and dancing. Everyone has glow sticks and they’re celebrating. They’re uninhibited. And they’re all handicapped.

It’s the Oregon Summer Olympics and we’re celebrating the athletes after their first day of competition. We’ve just watched them march into the stadium in groups based on their county. They’re full of pride, clapping and fist-pumping in the air. As the stadium applauds the groups, Avery sits in my lap contently, every once in a while following suit and clapping her little hands together.

After the athletes flood onto the field, we hear from speakers from the main stage. One speaker made a compelling statement: we aren’t here to celebrate a charitable cause; we are here to rally behind our fellow human beings and celebrate their work.

Excitement grows as a helicopter delivers the Olympic torch to the field. And the celebration begins. With Avery on my hip, we help hand out glow sticks as the music starts and people dance. We wind through the crowd, bouncing to the music, watching young and old having a night to remember.

One older woman was wearing a formal flowing blue dress and was dancing with a man wearing a blue shirt and tie. They stood out from the crowd in their formal attire as they were jiving to the music. On the main stage, an older but dapper Joan Austin danced with a younger boy to the lively music of Black Eyed Peas. Joan and her husband Ken sponsored the Olympic Games in Newberg for the next 3 years after the Games had a 2 year hiatus due to funding. What a gift they gave. How neat to celebrate with the competitors last night.

*the torch!

And so we left in awe. We had no idea what kind of event we were going to, but we’re sure glad we went. We put Avery to down way past her bedtime, trading her glow sticks for binkies. I hope we make this a tradition, at least the next 3 years. It does the soul good to celebrate others…

One Happy. One Sad.

2011-07-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

This is a happy photo: Avery snuck into our cupboard while I was getting ready. Pretty stinkin' funny to see she disappeared.

This is a sad photo: A moving truck. My best friend Missy (and Avery's best friend Grace) moved away. And it's a BIG BIG BUMMER.

No Inhibitions!

2011-07-04T15:59:00.000-07:00

Cute right?

That's my girl.

Except when she becomes irrational and dives into her pool fully clothed.

All I can do is laugh and embrace her childhood (and quickly grab my camera)

Oh sweetie...

Sometimes you need a little office humor

2011-06-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

Taylor was out of the office today.
And someone was hungry.
So we went through Taylor's snack drawer and found 5 boxes of snacks.
Except they were all empty.

So Mandee and I made this...

"R U saving these for later!?!?!?!"

I think we're pretty funny.

Repent and Obey

2011-06-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

Perhaps for the spiritually mature, those words are normal. But for me, they are piercing.

To be honest, I've always been a pretty good natured girl. I recently took a 'strengths' evaluation at work and in my top 5 strengths was Belief. It dictates how I live my life. I am a rule-follower. Sadly, my avoidance of 'big sins' has meant I've never really resonated with 'repenting'.

But this morning at church, this spoken word echoed in my heart. Repent. Repent. Repent. Ricocheting in the dark and broken areas of my soul. Not a word of condemnation (thank you mister Bible Thumper) but hope that God offers newness when we repent.

And obey.

This word was spoken during a message at the San Diego conference I attended a few weeks ago. It was also in a devotional that my mother sent me via email a few days ago. Something along the lines of "If you love me (God), you obey me."

Over the years (...okay and just yesterday) I've said prayers like this: Please, make me new God. Make me follow your ways. Hit me behind the knees so I can kneel humbly to your plan. It's just so hard for me to hear you and do right all the time.

Essentially- God please make me do your will- because it's so hard to choose it on my own.

My love for Him should compel me to obey (how sad I asked Him to force obedience out of me). And my knowing Him, from studying and listening, should compel me to repent (how sad I've been convinced this is only for those who 'mess up big'). Truth be told, I am SO far from being sinless. I'm impatient, selfish, and unable to control my anger, think positively or be slow to speak/judge.

So my task evidently is to repent and obey.
My initial feeling is 'yuck'.
I don't have much energy or heart left.
But this morning I heard, once again, about the Holy Spirit.

He is the key. He is our help. And because of Him I have POWER to overcome and be overjoyed in this messy and chaotic life I have. (John 14: My advocate, helper, encourager, counselor, comforter)

So grateful to find some Truth this morning- like sips of water on a parched throat.
Now to live it out...

I love and respect my father...

2011-06-20T17:48:00.000-07:00

He has shown immense grace and love and generosity to me and Jake this year.

Check out this old blog post to learn about his character.

Or this one to read how thoughtful he is.

Or this one about his new role as grandpa.

Happy Father's Day, James Ira Endicott.
Your daughter (and grand daughter) LOVE YOU TONS.

A Year Full of Sundays.

2011-06-19T14:07:00.000-07:00

We go to church so you don't have to.

During church this morning I heard about the blog "A Year Full of Sundays". Have you heard about this? When I got home and put Avery down for her nap, I jumped online and began to read. And read. And read.

Essentially two atheists in Portland have committed to going to church every week and blog about it. The good, the bad and the ugly (emphasizing mostly the bad and ugly).

But after reading for a while, I found them quite endearing. The husband-wife duo are authentic. They're honest about being eager to find faults in the churches. But they're also honest when they find good people and even good messages despite their skepticism (see this post).

They felt welcomed despite anticipating, even hoping, otherwise. What a sharp contract to their other posts. It got me thinking: What made the difference? I think they simply felt loved and treated peer-to-peer instead of feeling condescension.

I wonder if some churches who are scrutinized in these posts feel defensive, perhaps quoting the verse about our lifestyles and values not being understood by the world around us. To some extent I agree, but I also think that Joel and Amanda writings painfully expose our weaknesses. Some of their church experiences made me want to SCREAM. And it's so sad to hear churches completely into themselves.

Although I wish they did so a little less harshly, I'm glad they are writing about their experiences.

And once in a while you get a nugget like this:

Unlike Joel, I’m not a communion addict. I generally refrain from partaking because as a non-believer, it feels fake, like I’m stealing someone else’s bread when I’m not even hungry. But after hearing A.J.’s sermon on how children have something profound to say and being reminded to watch out for “where [I] need to sit down and look up at my fellow man,” I couldn’t resist taking a chunk of bread from a bright-eyed child. A child who held my gaze without blinking and offered me the bread as if she was handing over her favorite doll. I left the stage with tears in my eyes and a rock in my throat.

It was my first truly authentic religious experience.

I hope God surprises them.
Even more.

Enter the wonderland of Narnia!

2011-06-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Walk into the magical closet... and enter Narnia! My friends threw the most amazing baby shower for Clive Willis, Carley's soon-to-be bouncing boy! They were so clever. With greenery. Art. Hanging lanterns. Using book pages from The Lion Witch and Wardrobe under candles. Using green and yellow plates and pitchers. Making turkish delight and lion cupcakes. And then pin-the-tale on the Pregnant centar!

My princess did so well with only an hour nap during the laughter and noise. I love how others adore her, even strangers. I am so proud of her! Also Stef is not pregnant but she looks good with a baby belly, eh? So happy for Carley, Patrick, and Addy for their upcoming addition!!!!

MY SIS GOT MARRIED!!!!

2011-06-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Emily got married! And I was too busy running after a very fussy flower girl to take pictures of Emily :( But I CAN NOT WAIT to see her professional photos soon!

Here are a few pics I did take!

Congrats Emily and Spencer.
So wished you lived closer...

Workin' in San Diego Sunshine!

2011-06-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

San Diego, CA: Mission Beach, Coronado, Seaport Village, The Gaslamp District, and Old Town.

We stayed at a bed and breakfast in Little Italy, rollerbladed down the Mission Beach boardwalk, ate Pinkberry frozen yogurt daily, ran around Sea World (avoiding the Splash Zone) and lost our voices singing at a dueling piano bar (Shout).

We rode around town in the coolest mini-vans, slept in cold college dorm rooms, listened to the President of The Barna Group, ran a 5k along the cliffs overlooking the ocean, and we were inspired by former NFL player, Myles McPherson, who turned his life around and is now a church pastor.

We deemed "Sweet Caroline" as our trip song, played Mafia when we were all deliriously sleepy, ate a dozen boxes of candy, and found many Starbucks' along the way.

Although I totally missed Avery (watched videos of her constantly), these five days in San Diego were SOOOO needed. It was refreshening, inspiring, and extremely fun. It's been a long time since I felt totally and utterly free to relax and explore.

Put God First in Trust

2011-05-31T07:27:00.001-07:00

This morning I'm desperate for encouragement. Running limping to 'the well' of God. It's my fault for being so damaged and thirsty. And I'm not coming with a pure heart, but I'm running because I know, I know, that it's what I need.

Being not sure of where to find a 'spiritual well', I did the obvious: jumped online. I searched for "My Utmost for His Highest" and found Oswald Chambers' devotional online.

Today's Devotion: Put God First in Trust...

"Our Lord trusted no man; yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, never in despair about any man, because He put God first in trust; He trusted absolutely in what God's grace could do for any man. If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on man being what no man ever can be - absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else."

Some of my pain and wounds are from wanting so badly to trust in man. Trust isn't bad, but mine has been misdirected and I've fixated on broken trusts.

Limpin this morning, and still feeling wounded, but trying to look outside myself and grasp the concept of trusting God...

Avery's Frown Turned Upside Down :)

2011-05-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, for a good photo, I'll let Avery be slightly uncomfortable. For example, the tall scratchy grass in the pictures above. She didn't like them. Or the uneven ground she had to stand on. Or the fact that I put her there and then walked away for a better camera angle. I know this is awful, but I think she's so cute when she cries. There's a predictable process that happens before the tears: The sides of her mouth drop, her brows furrow, her eyes get big, the lips part, and then she wails. Precious (if it doesn't last long).

BUT, after throwing grass in the air, putting a rock on my head, and screaming loudly, I get her to crack a smile. And all is well again (until she loses her balances and face plants into the mud/grass. Yes, that did happen. Twice.)

Welp. It's 8:21pm May 21st and we're still here...

2011-05-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

Go figure.

The last few weeks I've been reading on the news about today; Doomsday. I must admit, it's been entertaining.

There's this article with humorous 'rapture' photos and videos.

Or this list of signals from pop culture that justify why the end must be near.

Or this entrepreneur who coordinates loving atheists to take care of your pet when you're raptured, for a whoppin' deal of only $135!

And then there's my wonderful Uncle who wrote my parents asking, "If you're gone Saturday, can I have all your stuff?" Very funny.

I know that predicting the exact date and time is crazy. It's gotten quite the buzz. But somewhere in my back of my pea-brain I thought, with all this scoffing, it's still true that one day it's gonna happen. Whoa.

I remember one day years ago driving home from work on a sunny day. I looked up and saw a bizarre ring around the sun. Around the sun, within the ring, the sky was discolored. It was crazy looking. Instantly I was overcome with fear. "No. Not yet." What a sobering moment. I couldn't shake it. Supposedly, as a believer, I anticipate this day with joy. That I'll enter His heavenly courts, before His judgement throne, and be loved with intensity I've never known. But that's not how I felt. I was driving home panicked that day, anticipating the sounds of trumpets at any moment.

This weekend I felt the same thing. And my first emotion, again, was fear. I was terrified at the thought of not being with Avery every day. (I'm sure this could evoke a lively debate about relationships in heaven but I'll move on...)

I sat outside tonight as it got dark and started to rain. I had an honest moment with God...

"I like it here. It's hard. Sometimes awful. But it's all I know. And I love Avery so so so much. Maybe more than you. And I know I shouldn't. I lose sight daily of your throne. I forget how powerful you are. That you will judge one day..."

The thoughts continued. And lyrics from many worship songs flooded my head. "How lovely is your dwelling place, Oh Lord Almighty. Where my soul long and even faints for you... Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere... Turn your eyes upon Jesus... and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace..."

Today wasn't the rapture, but it got me thinking.
And I was reminded of God's authority and holiness.

Wouldn't it be ironic if He planned the rapture for tomorrow?
Just sayin'...

Knock, knock. Who's there?

2011-05-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

So many funny moments the last few weeks (see blog below).

Well last night was another 'moment'.

Avery was in the bath and we were reading her princess bath book when I heard someone knocking on the door. I turned off the bathroom fan and leaned my ear into the hallway. The knocking stopped.

I sat back down next to the tub and heard it again but this time I saw the source.

I saw air bubbles coming from her cute little bum in the tub. The knocking was indeed her farting. And yes, it was that loud!

Unfortunately her gas was followed by the first 'poo in the tub' experience.
Boo.

Restless Snuggler

2011-05-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I couldn't sleep. I was watching TV at midnight when I had the genius idea to sleep with Avery.

I strategically placed pillows around the edges of my bed so she wouldn't roll off. Then I snuck into her room, picked her up (still sleeping!) and brought her in bed with me. I snuggled her up close, putting my cheek against her head. I put my finger in the grasp of her hand and move my thumb across her smooth fragile wrist. Sigh. Bliss.

This is the best idea ever, I thought.

And then it began. She started to roll, settle for 10 seconds, and then twist. And then turn. I watched my daughter do the craziest moves in attempts to settle into a deeper sleep. The funniest was watching her silhouette in the dark as she got up on all fours (hands and knees). Her head bobbled in the air back and forth in a sleepy stupor and within moments she'd crash to one side. At one point she crashed into my chest. She seemed content for a good 20 seconds but then her arms flung in my face and she began to roll down my torso, trying to find a comfortable spot to nuzzle her head and sleep.

It was hysterical.

Eventually I gave up on the idea of cuddling sweetly next to my angel.

At 12:22am I put her back into her bed and resumed my TV movie.

I'm still holding out hope that someday soon I can have a whole night of restful snuggling with her!

Celebrating death?

2011-05-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Yes. I celebrated death. And this morning I feel ashamed.

I believe people are safer without bin Laden. He masked hatred with religion. He mocked our country and celebrated in our grief.

But don't I have a spiritual responsibility to acknowledge the death of an unbeliever as tragic? Doesn't God weep over those who are lost, because Osama was most certainly lost.

A soul is a soul.

This morning I read this Facebook post:
"It's okay to be thankful for closure. It's okay to celebrate freedom. But the minute we start celebrating the death of another human being, we are the ones acting like terrorists..." Sarah

And this morning I read an email from one of my best friends who, for a few weeks, lived in Abottabad around the same time our Intelligence thinks Osama moved there. Their Pakistani friends that live in Abottabad are concerned for safety as the siege has created chaos in their small town. I feel frozen, dumbfounded, that my friends literally lived next to bin Laden last summer.

These 2 things initiated a heart shift for me. I got caught up in the moment last night, watching the news. But this morning I'm concerned for the innocents that live in Abottabad who are fearful while also glad that people who have grieved for nearly 10 years might have a sense of relief this morning.

What an interesting dance of emotions...

Creamer, not cleaner

2011-04-30T18:41:00.000-07:00

Jake handed me a cleaning wipe packet at Safeway tonight. We were grocery shopping and Avery has a nasty tendency to suck on the metal bars of the cart.

What a thoughtful Daddy, right?

Wrong.

I quickly opened the packet to wipe down the bars when, to my surprise, white powder exploded in Avery and I's faces.

"JAKE! WHAT DID YOU JUST GIVE US!?!?"

Creamer. We were at the beverage station. And he gave us a packet of coffee creamer.

Not cleaner; what he thought it said.

Wow. Haven't laughed that hard in a while!

2011-04-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

"I found more money. hee hee." Jake whispered in my ear last night while I was sleeping.

This morning I asked where he found it.

"This time," he said, "it was in my chompers case." ('chompers'= tray he sleeps with that prevents him from grinding his teeth).

A few days ago, Jake found money in his slippers.

A few days before that in our cotton ball jar and some very large bills under my pillow.

Someone has been very sneaky and generous in our house. We had many people in our home for Avery's birthday, so we're not certain who did it. If I knew who did, we would tell them this:

1. Their generosity has been astounding to us.
2. The timing couldn't have been better.
3. It has been a source of joy and laughter!

For example, we found the first bills early in the morning right before taking Jake to worship practice at 7am. When I returned, I shamefully admit that I got on my hands and knees in our closet and checked every shoe to see if we missed any bills. Yes, I know. This is greedy. But it was like our own adult Easter egg hunt! Alas, I didn't find anything, but I was still stunned by the generosity and creativity.

So it continues... the surprise of blessing and laughter and practical help.

And I won't lie. I might check our shoes every Easter, just in case.

If you're reading this, and you were the culprit...
bless you. thank you.

'Don't let him steal this moment'

2011-04-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

We were playing in bed. Avery just woke up from her nap. She was very chatty and playful. Crawling and rolling all over us. The sun was shining through our thin drapes and delightful noises filled our room.

And that's when I had this thought, "Don't let him steal this moment." It dawned on me that the Enemy has been stealing my joy.

We have had a memorable year watching Avery at each milestone and all the laughs in between. But this has also been a year of trials for Jake and I. Sometimes it felt plain awful.

And somehow my mind and heart have grown week and instinctively inclined to focus on the hard things. Sadly I can void all the good memories, thoughtful conversations, and sacrifices made, within one moment of feeling unloved.

I've let the enemy steal the joy.
Now that is awful.

And so my challenge begins for mental discipline, to focus on the good and claim the joy in my life on a daily basis. Pray for me and guard yourself against negative thinking that steals peace and goodness.

One.

2011-04-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

She is one.
Oh my soul.

Sneak Peak: Family photos!

2011-04-19T13:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, but this posts makes up for it!

Here's a glimpse at our family photos done by the FANTASTIC Philips Pair (http://joliphotographie.com/).

Fulfilling a dream... kinda

2011-04-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

"I'm going to speak at that podium some day".

It's a thought I had during chapel while I was a student at George Fox. Not a statement of belief but of dreaming. To share my story and move people.

Ya- I know. Most people dread public speaking.
I love it.

Well today I fulfilled my dream. Kind of.

I had the honorable duty this afternoon to faciliate a trivia/prize segment of our closing session for 150-200 students and families. Main purpose: Give out gree stuff and be entertaining.

Not quite the meaningful experience I dreamt of in college, but I absolutely loved every second of it.

I found my new calling: Closing Session Game Time/Trivia Facilitator/Prize Hander-outer for Young Students and Familys (CSGTTFPHYSF for short)

Nah. Scrap that.
Wouldn't look good on a business card...

My dad

2011-04-06T22:24:00.001-07:00

I am so proud of my dad. It sounds cliche. And sounds backwards. But I truly admire him. Although worded somewhat awkwardly, this article was published in our city's newspaper this week. He's one of a kind. I love you Dad. And I'm letting the world know! (okay, well, at least my few readers)

Roots

2011-04-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I loathed weeding when we were little. Just ask my parents.

We always lived in the country, where green things were supposed to grow, but evidently not in the driveway or gardens. What a never-ending chore. Hated it.

Today I went-to-town on the weeds in my back yard willingly. I needed some time to myself. And weeding seemed productive enough. A few days ago I sprayed them and now was time to reap the harvest, so to speak.

Hold on to your saddles, I'm about to get spiritual...

As I was tugging on hundreds of weeds this evening, I thought about Satan. I wondered if he had the same experience in 'weeding' that I did tonight. Some weeds had shallow roots and came right up without much effort. Which means they probably won't grow back. Thank goodness. Those were pretty satisfying.

The other kind of weed, the big ones close to the earth with leaves spread outward, were frustrating. I had to move the leaves to get a good grip at the center and dig around the base with my fingers (gloved, of course. hate dirt under my nails). Once I could tell I had a grip on the root, I had to yank back and forth carefully to get the whole weed. On the few occasions I actually got the whole weed, I was delightfully pleased. (Not as pleased as when I saw Avery wobble up to the sliding glass doors- and witnessed the moment she saw me in the backyard. Her wave and squeal of joy at discovering me was enough to die of joy. Sigh.)

I hate weeds with deep roots. And I wonder if Satan shares the same frustration. There are those of us who don't set roots deep in our faith and relationships. For hundreds of reasons. But simply, it leaves us vulnerable.

When we are deeply rooted in our faith and relationships, I believe we're more work. Satan has to work harder, dig deeper, cause pain, irritation, get at our core, and work on us so that we are yanked away from grace and love.

These thoughts formed in a single moment while I was weeding. It totally registered with me. I can honestly say I've been fighting to stay in the soil. My roots are deep. I have relationships that keep be grounded. I have a deep knowing of my salvation and God's sovereignty that anchors me.

Regardless, I feel like someone's been digging around my roots.
And I don't like it.

I feel weak but I know there's a big difference between me and a weed: a Savior.

April Fools!

2011-04-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

This morning I was funny.

Well I at the least made a room full of people laugh.

We had over 40 visitors today at a visit event we do almost weekly called Friday at Fox. After the welcome session, I talk about the schedule for the day and go over details (LOVE LOVE LOVE this part of my job. I love public speaking. Thanks Dad!)

This morning I invited my intern Tyler to sit-in on the welcome session. He's considering becoming an Admissions Counselor some day and I thought he'd like to hear what our Counselors say every week to our group of visitors.

After I introduced myself, I called Tyler up to explain the schedule for the day. For an instant he looked panicked but then rose to his feet with a smile. At this point I couldn't take it anymore and started laughing - explaining to him, and the whole room, that I was just kidding.

APRIL FOOLS!

It really was funny. Everyone laughed.
Man, I love my job.
And the intern I supervise.
Meet him here(he's the zombie that enters on the right)
So great!

Big God.

2011-03-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Big God.

Big God.

Big God.

A man, hooked up to multiple machines, in and out of a coma, horrific scars stretching the length of his chest, having more than 3 times the normal amount of blood in his body... swollen, throat dry from the breathing tube in for so long, wife by his side. Waking up. And in his first moments of being able to talk, with family surrounding him, waiting to hear his words, his raspy damaged voice says these words over and over again.

Big God.

Our senior pastor, Steve Sjogren, told his story on Sunday morning. A horrific story of doctors trying to remove a gallbladder (that he ironically never had). A routine surgery that resulted in doctors carelessly cutting several inches too deep into his abdomen and slicing his aorta. Twice. He bled out and was technically dead for 8 minutes.

You can read more in his book, The Day I Died. But this last Sunday I couldn't forget his first words: Big God. In those 8 minutes, he did some business with God. He gave us snippets of the conversation. Many questions. As simple as being asked what the names of his childrens' friends that came over on a regular basis. (Which led to Steve realizing he wasn't intentionally connecting with them).

And in the days and weeks that followed, mostly unconscious, Steve spent time focusing on God. So when he finally had breath to speak, all he could muster was those two words. He had experienced God in a new, unexplainable, intimate way.

How amazing would it be to speak them with such a deep knowing.
Not just head-knowing, but in the depth of your soul.
That our God is so great, so vast, so loving, so powerful. So real.
Our description of him would be reduced to just two words:
Big God.

echo..... echo........ echo......................

2011-03-24T15:50:00.001-07:00

Hello (tapping on mic)

HELLO!?!? (tapping on mic)

Anyone listening!?!?

No one has made a blog comment in a long time... and I shamefully admit I noticed.
:)

Life Lost

2011-03-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

Dennis Sturdevant was a good man.

I knew him when I was little. He was on the Board at church and once in a while would share information to the congregation. Often he would cry, which made an impression on me. He simply cared.

He cared about Jake. Several months ago he took Jake out to lunch. It was unassuming. Genuine. Low-key. But in the parking lot, while leaving, he spoke simple but significant words into Jake's life. Man to man.

A few months ago they found out Dennis had liver cancer. No symptoms. No heads-up. Completely out of the blue. He quickly began feeling sick, and sadly passed away on Thursday. His son Mitch was in school in southern California. His son Tyler took over the family business, at age 25, with a wife and 2 young kids. His wife Nancy is ... well I don't know how she is.

It breaks my heart that life can end so quickly. Familiar pain comes rushing back. It was his last Christmas, but he didn't even know. I think of these things, the family, the grandkids, and the suddeness. My heart breaks.

Oh to have extra time. To hold. Hug. To talk about what's important. To say I'm-Sorry's. To forget the past. To make today matter.

Life is urgent. Love is urgent.
We must live with intention.
And hopefully we'll influence others and leave a legacy.
Like Dennis did...

Please pray for the Sturdevant's.

Office Prank

2011-03-18T14:08:00.001-07:00

I always wanted to do a good office prank. And yesterday I did. Well, at least I thought it was good.

This is Lindsay:

She is beautiful. Career-driven. Smart. Super funny. Adventurous. And single. :)

At lunch, Taylor mentioned a website he heard about: www.hookchasup.com Check it out. Very impressive.

We decided that we wanted the $10,000 by introducing Chas (the bachelor willing to pay money for helping him find his wife) to our friend Lindsay. The conversation spiraled out of control (no surprise). Pretty funny.

When we got back from lunch I began scheming. I first called Jake. He wouldn't participate. So finally I found a co-worker on a different team to leave Lindsay a voice mail pretending he was Chas. It was hilarious.

For hours I watched Lindsay like a hawk. Every time she'd head toward her desk, I discreetly ran near her cube to wait for her reaction. But she got side tracked by conversations or never checked messages on her blinking phone. I probably didn't work for at least 1.5 hours - waiting for her to check her messages. It was awful! Gmail chats and nonverbal communications of head shakes dominated the afternoon.

WHY WASNT SHE CHECKING HER MESSAGES. I was wrought with anxiety. And finally gave up. Funniest part of the day was hearing her roar with laughter- RUNNING over to her cube- seeing her on the phone- and then realizing she was having an actual conversation- and having to make excuses why a few of us darted over. I laughed so hard I think I snorted.

Finally... hours later, she came up laughing, not as loudly as I anticipated. But she applauded the cleverness. And I felt satisfied that it brought hours of entertainment to the whole office.

First prank= success!
THANKS CHAS!

This is what life's about

2011-03-15T12:48:00.000-07:00

Dependable.
Faithful.
Selfless.
Are the words that come to mind.

We stick together.
Celebrate together.
Grieve together.

We don't judge.
Don't hesitate.
Don't doubt.

Our journies are different.
Our marriages are different.
Our children are different.
But it doesn't matter.

We share history.
Similar goals.
And most importantly, our authentic selves with one another.

It hasn't more apparent to me than right now how much these girls love me.
And how much I love them.
I will bear any burden for them.
I will hurt because they hurt.
I will love because they love.

I am stronger.
Better.
More understanding because of these friends.

I would bleed for them.
Take their pain from them.
And make stupid jokes for them.

I love these girls: Jillian, Shannon, Jamie and Candy.
It's been almost 8 years.
You've bettered me as a person.
And I love you.

Baby McNeal!

2011-03-13T22:11:00.001-07:00

I work with Christine. She is expecting a baby in April. It's been super fun to impart my momma advice and share my experiences with her! So excited for her and Rick! They will be wonderful parents. Can't wait to meet the little man! (Kudos to Lindsay and Vangie and Mandee for planning a beautiful relaxing shower with take away snacks and bib decorating contests! Wonderful group of women celebrating a wonderful momma-to-be!

It wouldn't have been a great shower without Dutch Bros :)

Shamrock 15K run, baby!

2011-03-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

After starting to dread this day coming, we SUCCESFULLY ran the Shamrock Run downtown Portland. It was a memorable day for many reasons. We got up at 5:45 (which really was like 4:45 because of daylight savings). Fail. My alarm didn't go off and neither did Missys. Second fail. After parking, picking up our packets, pinning on our numbers, watching the crowd grow (to 32,000 people!), and attempting to put something back in the car, we realized we were locked out. Third fail. It started to rain. Fourth fail. But the rest was success! I ran with Missy and her brother-in-law Matthew. There were several different runs but we did the 15k (9+ miles)! But my good friends Candy and Jillian were there too! And so was my dear friend El and her husband Paul! Here we go... For those who ever doubted my commitment to photo-taking, I ran with my camera and took these real-time shots while running! Every few miles they had live bands playing! This was around mile 5 up at the Chart House. And here's crossing the finish line! It was great. I'd do it again!

Accordion Makes a Come Back

2011-03-09T13:06:00.000-08:00

This morning Christine and I broke away from our desks to go to the student chapel service this morning. The speaker spoke on Sex Trafficking in Portland (which is very very very very disturbing) I found myself fervently praying for God to expose the filth in hearts for those involved- and for hope and love to break through. So sad.

On a lighter note, in worship before the speaker, the leader swapped his guitar for an accordion.

Uh.... so cool.

Blurry, I know. I was trying to conceal the fact I was taking out my cell phone in the middle of worship to take a picture, like I was a gawking tourist/non-student or something! :)

Do you know anything about Ash Wednesday?

2011-03-09T12:39:00.000-08:00

I do not.

And that was extremely evident this morning when I told 2 coworkers that they had some smudges on their foreheads. Smudges that looked like ash... in the shape of a cross.

We all chuckled when they realized I wasn't joking and I realized their smudges were intentional. As we laughed, I made a mental note: Study up on Ash Wednesday.

But our awkward exchange was followed by a team meeting, where we started with a devotional and Justin, an Admissions Counselor who is Catholic, explained the significance of today; Ash Wednesday.

Today is the beginning of 40 days of preparation before Easter called Lent (46 days in reality. 6 Sundays in between those 40. But who's counting...) I always knew of Lent because I heard people complain about giving up coffee or chocolate, but I didn't think twice about it. (come to think, they're probably the ones who are counting...)

It's a beautiful tradition. As Justin briefly explained it this morning, a sense of loss came over me. I've missed many many years anticipating the day that changed all our lives eternally. And that's too bad.

He explained Lent is a season focused on reconciliation. A focus on where we have come from. A time of cleansing. Renewing. To be close to God. It's a time to anticipate celebrating 'the best day of the year'. The day that Jesus, a real man with real breath with real spiritual authority and real divinity, beat death. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around his humanity, his divinity, his pain, his sacrifice, and his victory over death.

And that's why 40 days of thoughtfulness and preparation in our hearts is valuable. So we, on Easter, can truly celebrate the fact that our powerful God is a gracious God.

I've also learned that people that put Ash on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday are not weird. (boo for judging others!) My coworkers are authentic, critical thinking, competent men that enlightened me this morning about an annual invitation to reflect on the God.: Lent,

Defend the Bible? I would as soon defend a lion! Unchain it and it will defend itself.

2011-03-08T18:40:00.000-08:00

-Charles H. Spurgeon

I heard this quote years ago. Unfortunately I loved it and then forgot it. But a few months ago an acquaintance posted it on Facebook!

I like this quote because one of my weakenesses is thinking I have to be persuasive in my faith. I have to have good answers. I have to make good points. I have to shatter misconceptions of being a Christian. I have to reasonably argue why I believe. I have to defend God.

This quote sobers me. God is powerful. God is soveriegn. His Word is true. All without my help.

Angry Birds

2011-03-07T09:24:00.001-08:00

Credit to Megan Clark for finding this. I love it.

Angry Birds is to blame for many late nights...

A Toast to Authenticity

2011-03-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

"We didn't roll out the red carpet, tell the dining hall to put out the best food, tell professors to be especially nice or tell students to behave. This is us. And we want you to have an authentic experience today..."

Every Friday morning we say this to a group of visitors. And it's true. We are proud of who we are. We encourage growth with God while providing excellent academics. But we realize that GFU is not perfect for everyone. It surprised me the first time I heard someone on our team tell visitors "We're glad you're on campus to figure out if George Fox is for you or not." We're not a sales team. We want what's best for everyone, even if it's not Fox. That's pretty cool.

Anyhow, this Friday we were addressing a group of visitors. Each admissions counselor spoke a few minutes about their experience, specifically around 1 area of Fox: spiritual life, academics, the Newberg area, global experiences, extracurricular activities, and Fox being a safe place to learn and make mistakes.

I hear them talk every Friday but this Friday they all seemed especially on fire. Articulate. Passionate. Real. Their talks made me want to enroll as a student again! I was totally inspired.

People aren't perfect. George Fox isn't perfect. But man, authentic people... that's powerful. And I think that's what inspired me Friday.

So here's a toast to all of us: to be authentic in all we do and say. To be real about when we're down, and real about when we're up. Cheers to doing life together...

THE OSCARS!

2011-02-28T09:46:00.000-08:00

This year Lindsay and Vangie threw an Oscars party. I have realized that I should refrain from any competitions within group settings. I am so darn competitive! So after accepting I was going to lose my Oscar predictions, it was a blast :) I love my dear friends. AND LOVED KINGS SPEECH- big winner of the night!

SO here are my fav's from the red carpet (in order!)

And these are all equally hideous in my opinion!

Family Dinner Night!

2011-02-27T13:39:00.000-08:00

I am blessed.

The Wolff family has dinner together every Sunday night. Predictably, a disagreement will break out, whether about a polician, Britney Spears, or plumbing... it's always something. We bicker. Jeremiah and Jake say outrageous things. Rita, Katie, and I react. And the kids run around the house. It's wonderful.

And Uncle Jeremiah always avoids Avery. :)

SNOW DAY!

2011-02-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

Today I was in awe of our campus.
Just stunning.

And the Bruin showed up - running ammuck with the BLUE ZONE (school spirit) flag.

He even stopped to answer our phones!

And he met Patrick... They hit it off.

Our visitor board- where students can sign their name and "Be Known"

We may have a stunning campus, but I think the people are more beautiful!