Ken's Corner: The Process

Within the first few appointments with Ken, our counselor, we quickly learned that we were going to practice communicating a lot.
One of the first things he said was, "You will always have issues to work out in your marriage, especially since you're going to be married for a long time. What you need to learn is how to talk through the issues so that it's a win-win for both of you."

So that's what we did. We'd come with an issue, normally not hard to find, and then we'd sit there and go through the steps (writing out, communicating, listening, empathizing, repeating it back, responding etc). When we'd get stuck, or fall into negative patterns, or get angry, Ken would stop and give us some wisdom and perspective.

Week after week, month after month...

The moral of the story is this: The process matters. How you communicate matters. I'd say even more than the issue itself. Because if you focus on having productive conversations about the hard things, that are a win-win for everyone, you can get on to better things (like laughing and having fun).

I've noticed that we falter the most when we stray from the process and are careless with our words.

I truly think everyone can benefit from counseling. So does Jake. You don't have to be broken to benefit from it. It has really made me more steady, mature, humble, positive, and gave me hope in times I didn't have any.

For my local friends, Ken Kornelis is a Christian counselor- extremely practical- and genuinely cares about the success of our relationship, even to go as far as saying he'd see us pro-bono if money was ever an issue. He has an office in Lake Oswego and Newberg. I would recommend him to anyone wanting sound advise.

Next Friday, the last blog in the series.